They talk briefly about Julia's sex toy party, Anne says it was "low-rent", and Louise jumps on that and is ALL OVER IT. "Yes, yes, completely low rent" she gasps excitedly. Fuck I hate these attitudes, I really do. Can't they just say Julia's behaviour was "yuk" or plain ol' "fucking weird"? Whatever- I don't come from money, so clearly I know nothing about anything.
So Anne has her stupid spray tan, while Louse growls and chortles in the background, and tries on Anne's jewellery. Anne has left on her strapless bra and underwear, which is just pointless and stupid in my humble low-rent opinion, and tells us that bikinis on anyone over the age of 21 "looks a bit off".
This is a BRILLIANT segway to Julia modelling various ugly bikinis for her poor blushing bastard of a husband. He is desperately trying to be cool, and Julia is doing weird poses that remind me a little bit of this:
Anne is having high tea with her nephew Rohan, and I can't really talk too much about him because of my no-children talk rule. All I say is that he is quite unlike any other child I have ever seen. I want to say more, but it would involve using words like "precocious" and "absurd", so I won't. Anne quizzes him about the stem (the wine glass stem), and knives and forks, and I am clutching my glass like a mug and rolling my eyes. He asks Anne if she's ever tried to have kids, and she tells him she hasn't ever had sex. AHAHAHAHAHAHGGAHGAHHHH
Anne and Louise are sharing, and Anne says she doesn't want to carry her bags up the "jolly stairs". Louise shows Anne the kitchen, and Anne says, "We don't need jolly kitchens". She's a treasure, I mean it. Gilda, Michelle & Julia start poking around their villa, and immediately start having a scrap about the bedrooms. Michelle bags a double, Gilda bags a double, and Julia throws a fit. But, Gilda bagsed it first. Julia is saying it is "SO NOT FAIR", and that she should have it because she's "the blonde one". Honestly, she's a fucking jerk- and Gilda gives her the room because she can't be fucked dealing with her childish bullshit.
Angela and Lea are in their villa, and Angela complains that it smells damp, "It is Australia, though". Cock. She makes Lea get her laptop out immediately and sets her to work. COCK.
Meanwhile, Angela is still cracking the whip over Lea and it is the WORST. She is the WORST.
Louise tells the girls she's organised a treat for them by chartering a boat. They are like, "Is it big? and "Yay". Then Angela tells them that she ALSO has organised a treat for them all, and Louise is mega fucked off for stealing her thunder. Angela's surprise involves a spiritual healer, and it sounds shit.
OOOH NEXT WEEK LOOKS PRETTY FANTASTIC- there are TEARS! ON A BOAT. And Gilda refers to Julia as a "fucking idiot"! Maybe, just maybe, it's all going to be okay.