They are on the date, Schmordan is an idiot, & Fleur is adorable. He tells Fleur that he wants to get a TRIBAL triangle shaped tattoo and I can't make this sort of shit up. Fleur slays by showing him a tattoo she got in Kenya from a Masai tribe who did it with a stick, Schmordan is all like, "Did it hurt?". Dick. Anyway, they "run into" a Hawaiian man who tells them a story about a girl that wanted a guy to herself, & turned him into a tree, & then she died, and became a red flower. I don't know what to say, so shall we just shuffle on?
Ceri & Storm are back at the house pretending to cook, and Ceri promises to stop annoying everyone. Parp. The other girls are bitching about Ceri & everyone else, especially Storm. These girls are being such dicks. You're in Hawaii. Stop bitching and go outside. They are pissed off that Storm pashed Schmord, which is no surprise. Oh fucking hell, Gab is now talking about feminism and I can't. Thank god for an ad break.
Fleur & Schmord are sitting by a volcano having dinner. Schmordan talks with his mouth full.Fleur is adorable & lovely & an angel, & I have NOTHING bad to say about her, my apologies. She tells him about a giraffe shit spitting competition, & it is fantastic. The date is going so well (thanks to Fleur) that there is really nothing to report, so I will wait until Schmordan does something/says something gross. He gives her some diamond earrings from The Warehouse and she is stoked. I hate that the bachelors get so much cred when they haven't actually bought it, but such is the way of reality tv. She gets a rose, and they have a great big giraffey shit pash. Lovely stuff.
The next day, the girls are in the kitchen pretending to cook, and talking about how late Fleur got back the night before. Ceri wants to go and jump on her, and no one appears to acknowledge the remark. Fleur comes in, and shows them the earrings, & Storm looks ragey. Storm tells us that it doesn't mean much because her and Schmord have a "connection" aka they have pashed. There are several connections in the mansion if that is the criteria. Fleur tells them that they pashed, & Ceri is pissed & doesn't want to hear about it. Some girls are doing their fake robot smiles with no blinking, & Storm raises an eyebrow. Imagine being on this show. Worst.
The girls are now doing that thing where they sit around doing fuck all, and pretend to figure out if the next date will be a single or a group. Baby Brows appears for about 5 seconds, and then bounces to go tanning. obviously it's a group date, & they're going ziplining. I would do that, because flying foxes are fucking great. I WISH Schmordan would stop saying aloha, he sounds like such a cheesy jerk. He's also frothing at the bit because they're going to see movie locations from Jurassic Park, Godzilla, & such. They are quad biking around, and I am bored. They play majestic music to try and make it interesting but it is not. I'm going to go & do my hair, and when I come back hopefully something moderately interesting will have happened. HA. (It didn't. They went ziplining, he has one on one time with Gab, Naz is fucked off about it, Gab/Gabs gets a rose, they have a strange pash where they look like they are frozen in place).
At the rose ceremony, the girls are doing breathing exercises, and talking about sugar plantations. Really. Fleur has found out that Schmordan and Gab pashed, & is sad. I get it, but this is The Bachelor, sort of. Ceri says she isn't jealous, & say he doesn't want to kiss him if he's kissing everyone else. Schmord comes in and says "howdy". He takes Shari away, & I love her. schmordan calls it "awkward funniness", which is nowhere near enough credit. Is there a way for her to win, but not have to end up with Schmord? Sarah interrupts, & they play the game never have I ever and it is boring as fuck. They talk about regifting, for god's sake. Then it rains, so it ends, thank christ. Naz has him now, & is rabbiting on about The Notebook. She reads out an AWFUL poem, and I feel sick. It's not boring, but it is FUCKING awful. She asks if they can kiss, & the producers play horror movie music, which I snigger at. He shoots her down, YUSSS. Ceri gives Schmordan a kiss. A Hershey's kiss. It is dumb, but Schmordan has the nerve to say it is cheesy. Oh fuck offfff! Nicole has one on one time with him, & it appears like she is telling him she wants to bounce, so good for her.
Right, it's the rose ceremony. Schmordan makes Nicole get up in front of them all to tell them she's going, which is pretty shit considering she told him she needed to leave for family reasons. Regardless, off she goes, & it's okay because she was too nice for this show/too good for Schmord anyway. Long story short, everyone gets a rose except for Lara (one of the blonde ones) . She goes out with some sass, telling him it was obvious there was no chemistry, & that is THAT. Next week, Storm says, "Fuck OFF biiiitch", & Gabs stomps away from the cameras. I know you can hardly wait.